Saturday, 1 September 2012

I Dreamed A Dream


We played the song “Precious Child” by Karen Taylor Goode at Polly’s funeral:

“In my dreams, you are alive and well, precious child, precious child.
And in my mind, I see you clear as a bell, precious child, precious child.”

 
 
I had the strangest dream last night.

I dreamt I was on a car journey with my husband, our twins H&L, baby M and also our daughter Polly, and my Dad. We were travelling uphill, through some kind of forest.  As we drove over a bump, little Polly and my Dad fell out of the car.  We carried on the journey regardless.

A long while later, when we were much further down the road, we turned around and went back to see Polly and Dad.  They were, by now, in a hospital.

On arriving at the door to the hospital I informed the nurse who was holding a huge syringe and clipboard, that I was there to see my daughter.  I didn’t tell the nurse my daughter’s name, but she looked at me knowingly. Her reply was instant “Yes, they’re here.  We’ve been waiting for you”.  It was said as though the nurse had been waiting for a long, long time. Not with impatience, but with the confidence and expectation, somehow, that I was always going to arrive at the hospital, at some point.

I walked into the hospital room with my husband, the twins and baby M. The room was white, brilliant white.  My Dad was sat on a hospital bed.  He looked well, and happy.  Little Polly looked different to how I remembered her; she was probably about 2 (which she would be now, had she lived), and although she was an incredible mixture facially of the twins and baby M, she was very clearly Polly.  She too, looked well and happy.

As I watched my husband and children chatter and laugh with my Dad and Polly, I witnessed my Dad smile at Polly amidst the chaos and noise.  Polly caught his smile, and smiled back.  That look, that smile, that love and that bond between them, completely took my breath away.

And then I woke up.



My daughter Polly and my Dad were buried just 2 days apart - at the same time, in the same place, with my Mum who was already waiting for them.

In the way that a rainbow ebbs away slowly from the sky leaving the memory of it's beauty but no trace of its start or finish, my dream’s clarity has faded from my mind during the day today.  And in the same way that I would never try to chase a rainbow, I won’t be attempting to chase or return to my dream.

But it leaves, in it’s wake, an indescribable feeling of reassurance and peace.





  





  

16 comments:

  1. Wow... what and incredible dream. And what a strong lady you are. I wasn't sure what to comment but I didn't want to just leave without saying a thing.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. witches-rave, thank you! Oh crikey, I'm not strong; not strong at all lol! Really appreciate you staying a little longer to comment x

      Delete
  2. What a beautiful post and yes, an incredible dream. I have just discovered your blog via Love New Blogs and I wanted to send you hugs and thank you for sharing. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the hugs Susanne, and for popping by to read. Yes, best dream I've ever had :-) x

      Delete
  3. That was an incredible post. Incredible. x

    ReplyDelete
  4. That must be so conforming to dream a dream like that. I am sorry for your loss. There is a carnival if heart prints posts for saying goodbye at the Tots100 this month. http://www.tots100.co.uk/2012/09/04/saying-goodbye-and-tots100-heart-prints-carnival/ This would be a perfect fit. I wrote about my loss on www.muminthemadhouse.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Jen, yes it was REALLY comforting. Still smiling about it now. Thank you for the pointer to the Tots100, I will go and have a look. Am also going to go and have a look at your post/blog too...but in the meantime just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss too. x

      Delete
  5. Wow what an amazing dream...and so beautifully told xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a wonderful post, and I hope that the dream was a comfort to you. I am so sorry about your daughter. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind comments Helen. x

      Delete
  7. How reassuring to know that they have each other. Beautifully written. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes, I find it a huge comfort to know that my little girl is being looked after by her grandparents. x

      Delete
  8. What a beautiful post, I found it through Actually Mummy. I hope you find endless comfort in this beautiful dream :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping to comment. Funnily enough yes, we're a few weeks on from my dream now, and I still smile and have a lovely calming feeling when I think of it. :-)

      Delete