"Our First Parents' Evening" - Reasons To Weep

We had our first  ever Parents' Evening tonight.

Although next year we'll probably arrange some babysitting, this time round I am glad that we took our 3 little monkeys along with us.  If we hadn't, I suspect Andy & I would've simply sat side by side and blubbed.  The reasons being;

Pride
1. L - She is doing wonderfully with her work, which we'd guessed was the case.  The one aspect of her school life we were keen to hear about, was her confidence and social skills.  Where she has, for quite some time, demonstrated a natural ability to concentrate and learn, she has struggled with shyness and a wish to play with others but not being confident enough to do so.  Her confidence took a huge bashing when we lost Polly & my Dad, and even more so when we had our house fire  (more about that another time) - she developed an awful stammer, and was utterly terrified of smoke/steam/loud noises for months afterwards.  Even leaving her at pre-school was often fraught. She's come a long way since then, and we heard tonight that she seems happy at school, and has plenty of friends.  We're delighted.

Pride
2. H - When H was born, he had to fight to live.  When he left hospital it was predicted we could expect some form of physical and/or learning disability.  He had close monitoring and support for the first 2 years of his life... and faced other predictions along the way, about his his future.  One by one, he has surpassed every expectation made of him from his early days.  His determination and a lot of luck has won through.  We have never pushed him; we have simply tried to support & encourage him... and tonight we heard he's doing great in some areas, and is even ahead in some others.  We're delighted.

Shame
3. Baby M - As we unloaded the children out of the car, we realised she'd done a poo.  With no time to change her, we did what any parents would do (wouldn't you??), and hoped for the best that we'd "get away with it".  We almost did, but allowing her some freedom in the school hall so that we could vaguely concentrate on the conversations that we were there to have, she proceeded to scrunch up any errant papers that she found - one of the teacher's post-it notes; part of the wall display, etc.  With a brief interlude whilst she threw herself lovingly at every adult in the vicinity, as though they were her long-lost parents *rolls eyes wearily*... and then, just as we thought we'd got away with the whole poo situation, the teacher swept Baby M up for a cuddle to distract her from another act of "your card is already marked" vandalism.    Baby M's bottom was far  too close to the teacher's nose.  We left shortly after that.

Like I say, we'll sort out a babysitter for next year.

Our chalk & cheese twins may have trodden the same path in life...but each of them have had very different and individual journeys. We are very, very proud of them both.  X

Reasons To Be Cheerful

I am joining  in with a new blog hop (new to me, I mean) this week.  

It's called Reasons To Be Cheerful.  It speaks for itself, really.   

Do take a look at the other blogs in the linky, and the reasons for their writers' cheerfulness this week.

I'd like to add that MummyFromTheHeart, who runs this linky, is one of the voices of the ONE Campaign. Inspirational. 

So here we go, my reasons to be cheerful this week are:

1. We've all settled back into school after the half-term break, and after the initial first couple of over-tired evenings (H fell asleep in his tea the first day back!), we've re-found our routine surprisingly easily.

2. I am feeling very cheerful & encouraged after the responses to my fairly desperate blog post about our difficult nights with Baby M.  I have had so many replies via my blog, Facebook, Twitter & email, with lots of different ideas and suggestions, that I now feel confident that we can find a solution that will work for us.  And the support...just the people who've given virtual hugs or reassurance has picked up my fairly glum, sleep-deprived mood, too.  I'm very grateful. x

3. We have a family Halloween/Bonfire Night party this weekend. It's with the outlaws (my husband's family) who I love spending time with, and who, since the twins started school, we haven't managed to see much of.  Looking forward to it!



So, come on then, what are your reasons to be cheerful this week?

Breastfeeding - Help Please

I'm in a bit of a pickle.  Putting it lightly.  Here's the scenario...

I didn't expect to ever feel comfortable with breastfeeding.  I certainly didn't expect to ever enjoy it. 

I did it, if I'm honest, for 2 reasons:

1. She's my last baby. This was my last chance to try breastfeeding.  I always work on the basis of "don't knock it til you try it", so I wanted to try it; for pure curiosity, and knowing that it is what the World Health Organisation recommends.

2. We lost Polly.  I probably don't need to expand on this, do I?  Something about Polly's loss and the fact that I didn't really get to experience anything with her; any bonding in real life...well, it just made me more determined to make the most of any potential bonding experiences with Baby M.

When I first started feeding her, I really didn't like it.  It was fumbly, agonisingly painful and exhausting.  I cried through every feed.  I couldn't possibly see how either of us were really "getting anything from it" but dogged determination made me persevere, nonetheless.

I focused on getting through each feed; each day; each week; each month.  And then before I knew it we were working towards feeding for 6 months.  By that point, over time, our feeding relationship had changed. It was clear that Baby M enjoyed it; and so did I.  

We've had rocky moments along the way... teething, hunger strikes, blocked ducts resulting in lumps the size of tennis balls (several times)... but we've navigated our way through them, together.  And it really is together... it's been teamwork all along, little M & I. I think that's what I love about it so much.

And now...now she's 16 months old, and we find ourselves in a bit of a groundhog day situation.

Baby M goes to bed at 7.30pm.  She sleeps soundly until midnight or so (unless teething or poorly).  But then, from midnight, she wakes and feeds hourly. 

I've gone back to work part-time now.  And I'm tired.  Very tired.  Little M, bless her, seems to be absolutely fine on the hourly wakings.  But I'm not.

The time has come to tackle the night feedings.  She's not going to like it.  I suspect, given I know how much she can scream like her little heart is broken if she doesn't get fed when she wants/needs it, then nor am I.  I'm feeling very guilty, that the very thing....feeding on demand... that I worked so hard to provide for her, is the one thing that I'm now about to take away from her.   

Is that being cruel?  Or being realistic?  Should I have done this much, much earlier?  Or is it right that I kept going til a point where...now... I can't continue any longer.  Should I somehow find some more stamina and just keep going?

We've tried me sleeping in a different room so that Daddy could settle her, and that worked well.  For a week I slept on the sofa... but the very first night I returned to our room, she started yelling to be fed again.  She's not daft.

We have a plan... "no milk at the bar" after midnight, and if she wakes after that point, then I'll offer her a beaker.  I'll be reassuring and consistent, and after a week or so of this, we'll all be comfortable with the new arrangement.  

That's ok, isn't it?  

Baby M's 1st Birthday

Baby M's first birthday was a wonderful day.  Our amazing and beautiful baby was a whole year old. The day was tainted only by the thought (that I carefully filed in my mind and heart for a more appropriate time) that her older sister never got to celebrate her 1st birthday.  Here is a photo taken on her birthday....

Whenever I look at it, I smile from the inside out.

It captures the moment, when presented with her cake with it's lone candle on top, that little M rested her head against mine, allowing herself to be reassured that it was ok to enjoy this sparkly, shiny, flickering wonder in front of her.  And whilst I clearly don't wear sleep deprivation well (a baby and twins; what more can I say!), I love that my love for her, and our bond, is in no doubt.

She's amazing... our happy little ray of sunshine, our final addition to our family.

We celebrated her birthday that day; we celebrated the miracle of her, and of life, too.

“This blog post has been written as an entry into the Tots100 competition in association with Boots Mother and Baby“